He Knows You Perfectly and Loves You Anyway

The most wonderful truth

An illustration of the prophet Hosea reclaiming his unfaithful wife, Gomer.

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I have been mustering up the courage to write about this.

Like many sincere Christian men, I want be be known as a godly, loving father, a faithful husband, and a leader among peers. But also, as a seminary student, I want others to see my book collection from theologians, my Bible commentaries, and think that I am well-read.¹ I want them to perceive me as one of those Christians who are “deep,”thoughtful, and genuine.

I want to present myself to others in a way I want them to see and believe about me. Yet I fear that if I let someone close enough to me, maybe they won’t like what they discover. My life is one of apparent contradictions.

But perhaps this sounds familiar to you. What was described is essentially a portrait that many feel: my life hides many contradictions, and I don’t want anyone to see it.

Why?

The fear of being unmasked and rejected is felt by many; it is nearly universal in the West. This is one of the reasons it is harder for adults to make new friendships as we get older. We have more baggage, scars, and bad relationships to hide.

This is what sin does to us. We live in this tension between having been saved and being saved. Between being born again and being glorified before Christ’s presence for eternity.

This tension between the saved-but-not-yet-glorified life in Christians creates an internal conflict—a war of desires—between the flesh and the Spirit. This perceived duality causes turmoil and is felt most by sincere Christians, especially those of us in ministry. Many pastors, teachers, missionaries, Christian counselors, and others in the ministry are dogged by feelings of guilt over their sin. They feel like contradictions to the message that they preach, and they perceive that they somehow can never get over the temptation they fall into over and over again.²

But I have some good news. We are doing this wrong; we are fighting the wrong battle.

Why?

Keep reading.

The Desire to be Known and Loved

God made you and me with a desire to be known by others and to be loved. We desire to be in relationships that bring meaning, joy, and fulfillment to our lives. Yet we often seek to fill this desire in unhealthy ways. Many dwell on social media apps in hopes of becoming influencers. Some seek dating apps to pursue relationships. Perhaps Johnny Lee sung it best:

I was lookin’ for love in all the wrong places

Lookin’ for love in too many faces

Searchin’ their eyes, lookin’ for traces

Of what I’m dreamin’ of

We desire to be loved, to be known, and to find meaning in our relationships.

While in the U.S.A, we pride ourselves on our independence, self-sufficiency, and creative ability to overcome adversity to grasp the American Dream by the horns. We are, broadly speaking, woefully lonely. Depression, anxiety, and suicide have plagued us for generations. We were not meant to be alone. Yet many are alone, together. Isolated on social media platforms that promise the very things that cannot be fulfilled.

The Fear of Being Known and Rejected

Ironically, while we have a desire to be loved and known by another, we also struggle with fears of being known, as I described in this introduction, for fear of being discovered, unmasked, then, once they know “the true me,” rejected.

This fear of rejection is one major reason loneliness is so common. We hide behind doctored selfies that make us appear 5 years younger, slimmer, and more attractive. Much effort is made to make us look smarter, more fun, and more attractive online than we are in person.

However, once I have a meaningful relationship IRL, I am confronted with the fact that this person may get to know the real me the longer we interact.³ I may use words improperly, say something grammatically incorrect, or have an “off day” in which I am not as sharp or genial as I want to be. The fear is that once they see past the front, they will not like what they see and reject me. This fear of rejection is what motivates much of our behavior online and in person.

Further, if I have been burned before by someone who betrayed my trust, it is much harder to be transparent again in another relationship. Even worse, if I have been in an abusive relationship in the past, I put up relational barriers to protect myself from hurt.

The All Knowing and All Loving Christ

One of the beautiful things about marriage is that two individuals from different backgrounds come together in a covenant relationship instituted by God to become “one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). In a healthy and loving marriage between a man and a woman, each is known and loved by the other.

One of the reasons why the first year of marriage is difficult is that we enter the uncomfortable experience of being known. In marriage, the husband is naked and exposed. All that he is laid bare before his bride; and she, likewise, is laid bare before her husband. This is the most intimate and loving relationship humans can enjoy. God designed it as such. Yet there are moments of difficulty as layers of secrecy, hurt, and shame are exposed.

Moreover, the example of a God-fearing marriage is a picture, or an analogy of God’s love for his children. More precisely, Christ’s love for his church.

Not only does Jesus love his bride completely and intimately, he also washed her from the stains of her sins:

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. (Ephesians 5:25-27, NIV)

As a child of God, not only does Jesus know me intimately, he cleansed me of my sins—everything I strive to hide or compensate for, every fault, insecurity, every ugly thought. He took it all upon himself and bore it on the cross for you and me!

The Most Uncomfortable and Wonderful Love

What is very uncomfortable about God is that he is the only person to know us perfectly, better than any spouse could. Yet, this is the most wonderful thing because he does know us perfectly and does not reject us. Further, he is the only person who loves us perfectly—despite knowing us!

This is God’s heart since the beginning. Even before the cross, God gives us a glimpse into his heart for wayward people through the prophet Hosea, whom God commands to marry a prostitute as a picture of Israel’s idolatry and sin against God. Yet after conceiving and giving birth to children, the woman leaves Hosea to return to her life of adultery. In chapter 3, God commands the prophet to restore her:

The Lord said to me, “Go, show your love to your wife again, though she is loved by another man and is an adulteress. Love her as the Lord loves the Israelites, though they turn to other gods and love the sacred raisin cakes.” (Hosea 3:1, NIV)

What is incredible about this moment is that God has the people of Israel on his heart when he spoke these words to Hosea. More importantly, this story paints a picture of God’s love for us today. You and I are like the adulterous woman in Hosea. We may perform well for a season, then we mess up and want to hide from God. We try our best to live right, but deep inside our hearts are dark, ugly desires. Reader, hear me: Despite these contradictions, God loves you!

Despite what you may think about God, he is not a capricious, angry deity waiting for you to sin your way out of any chance of admittance into heaven. Rather, God is a loving, compassionate, and relational God who pursues saints, sinners, and sufferers alike. He desires to turn back prostitutes, cleanse them, and speak tenderly to them. He corrects religious people and invites them to a life of grace. He heals the wounds of children who suffered unspeakable abuses against them and robes them with the dignity of his Son.

Reader, if God is not ashamed to love an adulterer, he is not ashamed to love you as you are and call you his child. There is nothing hidden from him, yet he loves you enough to pay the penalty for your sins with the blood of his only unique Son, Jesus Christ. Only God may know you perfectly and not reject you.

God’s intimate love is both uncomfortable and wonderful. I pray you surrender any pretenses or fronts that you still practice to “earn” God’s favor. He loves you more than you could know.

1. I really am not a good reader. Most of my books are unread. A local church hosts an bi-annual book sale and it is my weakness.

2. Paul David Tripp writes about this particular issue of pastors and seminary students struggling with guilt, shame, and sin in his book, Dangerous Calling. I highly recommend this book to anyone in ministry or preparing for ministry.

3. IRL, in case you don’t know, is “In Real Life.” This is a term common among Gen Z and online communities to distinguish relationships made on social media platforms versus face-to-face.